Do's and Don'ts for Parents

The following is a list of Do's and Don'ts for Parents developed by the United States Professional Tennis Association. The application to golf is quite apparent:

Do:

1. Stay involved.
2. Take off the pressure to win.
3. Be supportive, interested and encouraging.
4. Be there when they lose.
5. Be rough on cheating and lack of sportsmanship.
6. Be rough on temper and vulgarity.
7. Make sure your child's self-esteem is not on the line.
8. De-emphasize winning while emphasizing emotional development.
9. Look supportive, relaxed and comfortable on the course.
10. Make sure your child's ego is not on the line when the child plays.

Don't:

1. Think of money as an investment with a tangible return.
2. Put pressure on the child to win.
3. Get too excited if the child wins.
4. Get too excited if the child loses or plays poorly.
5. Show negative emotion, fear or nervousness on the course.
6. Say "We're playing today" or "We won".
7. Be a Coach.
8. Take notes at practices or lessons.
9. Use love to get a child to work harder.
10. Get over-involved or protective.

The above list is an excellent start to the do's and don'ts for parents in junior golf, but should not be considered a complete list by any means. There is something about junior sports in general that sometimes turns otherwise rational parents into irrational, overbearing and extremely emotional folks. Usually when this happens, the parents involved are completely unaware of the problem. Sometimes it is not as negative as all that, but more of a subtle damaging behavior pattern.

Example:

Not long ago, we were gearing up for a round of golf. There were many of us scattered along the range hitting balls and socializing as we often do. A well intentioned and loving father showed up with his grade school aged son. It was apparent that this was going to be the boy's first golfing experience as the father launched into his lengthy and overly technical lecture on his version of the games fundamentals. Now it is not known whether the father could break 100 or not, but he seemed to have some of the old cliches down pat; hold the club like your holding a bird, keep your head down, take the club back like your putting it into a catchers mitt, begin the wrist cock just past the rear leg, keep your head still, take the club back to parallel, begin the down swing with a slight weight shift to the left side, maintain the wrist angle while dropping he club into the slot, etc. etc. etc.

This went on for quite sometime while the poor boy became utterly confused and bored to death. In fact, many of us that were there within earshot of this scene quit talking and began to whisper back and forth...are you hearing all that? One man said, "I'm confused just listening". Another commented, "That poor kid is toast". The scene continued as the boy finally got to hit a ball or two only to be stopped by the father saying, "No, not like that, remember, you need to....."

It was truly a sad thing to witness. What makes it all the worse is that it is a scene repeated time after time, and is an all too common and critical mistake by some parents. That little boy just wanted to hit some balls and have some fun with his dad. It was very apparent on that boys face, that he wasn't having any fun at all. My heart went out to that father and son. I'm certain the father is a loving and caring man who had nothing but the best intentions and visions of playing golf with his son for years to come. Unfortunately however, he may have just pushed his son away from golf for life.

Objective:

Please, please, please.... do not make this mistake. Leave the golf instruction to the professionals. Even parents who are accomplished players are usually not the best choice for their child's golf instructor. Learning to play golf can be both fun and exhilarating.. It becomes much more frustrating and straining when you introduce the dynamics of a parent-child relationship. Not to mention, most parents are not professionally trained golf instructors to begin with. Would you teach your child to play the piano if you weren't an accomplished player yourself having been taught how to teach the piano? Would you teach your child to become a surgeon or would you send them to medical school to be trained by professionals?

We don't know exactly what it is about golf that brings this out in some folks. We don't see parents running out onto the soccer field to stop the action and "instruct" their child on how to play soccer and properly execute a corner kick. We don't see parents coming out of the stands in little league to grab the bat from their hands at the plate and show them how to properly swing a baseball bat. If we did see either of the before mentioned behaviors, I'm certain that parent would be asked to leave and come back when the practice or game was over.

Become involved in your child's golfing education the right way. Put him or her into a well run professional junior golf program that introduces them to the games fundamentals including rules, etiquette, skills, strategies and sportsmanship. Golf is a game of a lifetime and every junior golf program should:

1. Be fun and enjoyable. Golf is a game that is supposed to be fun. Juniors should play golf because they find pleasure in it and not because their parents want them to play.
2. Help juniors learn to play the game to the best of their ability. Juniors should be taught golf skills, rules, etiquette and basic strategy and then be encouraged to practice and play.
3. Contribute to the personal development of each junior. Juniors should learn social skills, emotional control, and other positive character values.

Summary:

A junior golf program could be defined and described as planned goals and objectives to teach juniors about golf and life. These activities, if properly conducted, can have a significant impact on shaping the life styles of the students. The purpose of a junior golf program is unquestionably to develop not only better golfers, but also better people.

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